What's new in Apple products 2025?

Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I’m about to drop some truth bombs about what Apple’s likely gonna be shoving down our throats in 2025. Forget the sugar-coated press releases, I’m going full-on Noshingtons here. Let’s dive into the probable reality of Apple’s “innovation.”

Apple 2025: Same Shit, Shinier Box? Probably.

So, you’re probably wondering what fresh hell Tim Cook and his army of beige turtlenecks are cooking up for us in 2025. Well, I’ve peered into my crystal ball (read: obsessively followed tech rumors and regurgitated them here) and here’s what I’m expecting.

The iPhone XVII Pro Max Ultra Super Duper Plus:

Yeah, I know the names are getting ridiculous. By 2025, they'll probably be using random number generators. But what's new? Well, let's see:

*   No More Notch, Maybe?: Finally. They’re *supposedly* going all-in on under-display cameras. Which, if history repeats itself, means blurry selfies and slightly worse screen quality. But hey, no notch! Progress, I guess? (That we already had on Android a couple years before.)
*   Bigger Camera Bump, Of Course: You thought the last one was big? Ha! They'll somehow cram even *more* sensors onto the back. Expect even more computational photography witchcraft that makes everyone look like a plastic mannequin. Filters galore!
*   A19 Bionic: Faster? Sure, Jan: It'll be faster, obviously. Benchmarks will go up. Daily usage? Probably unnoticeable unless you’re rendering Pixar movies on your phone. Still faster at draining your battery though.
*   Holographic Projection? The buzz for apple 2025 is that it includes Holo-Projection. Yes please I love Sci-Fi!!!
*   Still No USB-C: Just kidding! They'll finally cave and give us USB-C. Only took a decade of everyone else having it. Thanks, EU.

Apple Watch Series XI: The "Healthiest You, Ever" (Until Next Year)

They’ll slap a new sensor on it that detects your mood by measuring the sweat on your forehead. You’ll get daily notifications reminding you how stressed you are. Super helpful! It'll also track your sleep *even better* by telling you how little you actually slept because you were stressing about everything. Yay? New band colors though! So exciting!

The iPad Pro XL: Just Buy a Laptop, Seriously.

Bigger screen, more horsepower. Blah blah blah. They'll keep insisting it's a laptop replacement, even though it's clearly not. If you're actually getting work done, you'll be shelling out another $300 for the Magic Keyboard and Pencil, because of course you will. Because Apple. I love the iPad I use it for watching YouTube videos and getting angry on Twitter.

AirPods Whatever Number We're On: Spatial Audio is Now Mandatory.

Prepare for even more aggressive spatial audio. You'll be walking down the street and your AirPods will create a virtual surround sound experience in your ears. It’ll be great until you get hit by a bus because you couldn’t hear it coming. Battery life will be… okay. They’ll look slightly different. You’ll probably lose one within a week.

Reality Pro (or whatever it's called): Still Niche, Still Expensive.

They'll keep trying to push this VR/AR headset. It will still be ridiculously overpriced and only useful for tech bros to play around with virtual spreadsheets. They'll tout some new "revolutionary" app that will probably just be a gimmick. I don't understand it.

The Bottom Line:

Apple 2025? Expect incremental improvements disguised as groundbreaking innovations. More power, prettier screens, and price tags that make your wallet weep. They’ll keep churning out the same basic formula: create demand, sell you the solution, and take all your money.

Don’t get me wrong, their stuff *works*. But it's also overpriced and slightly behind the curve in terms of innovation. So, should you upgrade? Probably not. Unless you’re a sheep who needs the latest shiny thing. Then, by all means, go forth and deplete your bank account. I'll see you in the line for the XVII Pro Max Ultra Super Duper Plus. Just try not to step on my toes.